I am not sad, I don’t have anything to be sad about. Thinking back I there was a time when was really worried about getting really sick and I promised god that I would be grateful If I am healthy. And I pray that if I get married and have kids they and their kids would be healthy too. So yeah I am healthy and happy
It’s been 9 years since Appa joined Amma in heaven. Thats one reason to be sad but I have only been really sad about that only on very few occasions where I felt they would not have done the same If they were here. I was crying and wishing that they were here. But God made sure that I was taken care of even in their absence. Molaunty and uncle been doing their roles well then and now. Getting down on the tarmac of muscat airport holding Amma’s hand is one of my favourite memories and sitting on her lap for family prayer time. Best memory with Appa would be the Gavi trip, him buying me Levi’s shirt ( we are rich) , Appa’s sausage curry and playing badminton with Appa
I always wanted a brother or sister when I was young. I really believed having a sibling would have made my life easier when Amma was sick or when they both left for heaven. As in someone to hold the hands with when passing through tough times. Someone to support each other. Someone who would get it since we were passing through the same thing. The friends I had then were my pillar of support. I still remember someone being with me all the time for funeral and holding my hand tightly. Akhil, Harry and Arun had come home skipping school as soon as they heard.
Well got heard my prayers and I got sisters. Not one, but two and even three. I had really taken it to be the real thing, I still believe it’s real. I was the happiest. I guess I had been too happy. It will always be some of the happiest moments of my life. Most of the happy memories were over phonecall, when I realised how much we meant to each other. Sistah getting me my first mundu and taking care of me always and assuring me she will be there for me no matter what. Other one always giving me company, telling me about all the lil things and making me feel so damn special. I felt like the luckiest brother and I wanted to be the best brother
Another happy thing I felt was with Malu, even if we had talked for like 2 days only I was really happy then. I still remember a day, when I was talking to maalu and one of my sister was crying. I felt really bad being happy when she was sad. But I was sure she would be okay. It would be crazy if we get back together ( I am talking as if we were together)
Friends!!! I have never in my life missed an opportunity to spend time or talk to someone who wanted to talk to me. I used to talk to my best friend everyday after school on the phone. Since we can’t discuss those things in class. I used to play FarmVille everyday in friends home after school. I used to stay at friends place often in college. I had never stayed in one of my friends home in college but thats only where I stay now. I wanted to so badly in gang in first year and I wasn’t close with anyone in that gang or I didn’t feel included. But then tengakola happened and life was awesome! We didn’t go on any trips but we spend a lot of time together and it was the happiest memories
College was all about friendships, I believed it would be the same for life. But now I talk very less to friends, but I am in touch with all my school friends. I am very much in touch with sis but I have lost touch with sistah. And that makes me sad. We don’t talk anymore, sometimes I feel like we don’t have anything to say. We are that far apart. All I want is to be included, I want to feel that she will be there for me. All she wants is me to understand her. Also tengakola gang has lost the bond I feel. Well you can’t expect the bond to be strong without doing anything
Anyways challenging times ahead, I just wanna see if we are still friends. I am never ever gonna fight with my sistah, I am gonna fade away slowly. I am pretty pretty sad about that. But I am sure I’ll be able to forget it. I won’t get hurt by anyone anytime soon thanks to her. Let’s see, I want her to visit me if I don’t visit her. Let’s see if she comes to changanacherry!
Our future friendship depends on the trip, if we can reconnect or not. I’d rather not be in contact anymore. I am just a career change or city change away from being out of touch. We are by ourselves now and we can be by ourselves here on out too. Everybody got somebody and nobody needs each other. Well I am not happy now but I’d rather end everything and get over it than become happy and become sad again.
Cya,
I’ll be in a better place next time
Al