Oh my God, I can’t believe I am still writing about this. I was actually pretty good. I was trying to forget and move on. It was a person I was never supposed to let go but it was hurting me a lot to hold on to that person that I had to let go.
I still don’t understand why people can’t be nice to each other. Why do people need to hurt others with their absence.
My sisters says she was in a bad mental health state, yeah definitely she was . But then she made it seem like everything was okay and I was hurt because If she is okay why is she not okay with me being not okay.
It seems like when she is going through a bad phase, she somehow manages to keep things that matter to her going and just neglect people and things that don’t matter to her. Whereas, whenever I hit a bad patch, I tend to be most affected. I mess up things that matter to me and not really affect others.
It’s all my perspective. But I feel I am at a really bad place in life and I need to come out of it. So I am not excited when people, whom I let go after so much crying come back like cause now it’s convenient for them.
I am not like other people or I guess I wasn’t. I care deeply and trust deeply and when I hurt, I get hurt deeply. I cared deeply and I got hurt. It happens. But will I be able to care like that anymore? I am finding it real difficult to do that
I am actually at peace without my sister now than trying to be with her desperately. Uff. Friendships have to be healthy and easy and reciprocative. And open you should let other know what’s happening really, especially if it’s affecting you a lot that it is changing you and you are hurting others.
I don’t love her like I used to. As simple as that. Will things be the same if I don’t love her like I do? It will not be. Also I don’t trust her too and I don’t wanna put myself in vulnerable places.
Best way out of this get a good job and move out of the city and be so damn busy that you can just you know just move on
The only thing that confuses me is that, will I end up hurting her. Is she really hurt by my absence? I guess she isn’t used to you know asking people to stay in her life ever I think. It has always been her breaking people hearts.
I don’t know what to do? I think I can reconnect better if I was in a better place but right now. Nothing. Let’s not put much effort into this friendship, no effort in keeping it and also no effort in destroying it. I want her to win my trust over with lil things and let’s see. I don’t think she will be able to do that. I am okay with her focusing her energies elsewhere too.
Anyways the lesson is if you really fight to have someone in your life, they will either be in your life or you will get hurt so bad that you don’t want them in your life anymore.
So the highlight is gonna be –
- Let her actions—not words—show if she deserves access again.
- Focus on your own peace. A job, a new city, whatever helps you grow strong again.
- And Become fit. Just say you have gym, can’t move out of the city. Prioritise yourself.
I’ll be okay without her. She will be okay without me too.
What’s the point of life, if you aren’t there for someone when you need them?
If she really needs me, I’ll be there and not cause idk she just wants be there just for some sake.