No more long messages

I used to get so damn hurt when my texts were left on read but not anymore. It’s not working anymore

Sis: That’s it …you know how fucking hard this is for me.
That’s it, you were one of the few faces which comes to my mind..when I think about home..you never will understand the position you have in my heart..you never will and you never would.

Ente veetukare kal kooduthal I have trusted you and you were the one thing I clung on when everyone left.

I know I have no one… genuinely and you proved it right.

Thank you for making me understand that

This kinda hurt me but it seemed far wrong from reality and hurt me a bit, made me question if I am doing the right thing. If it’s worth it or not. What’s different from other times is that, this time I don’t give a fuck anymore. She can do what she does. I just wanna take from her the power to hurt me. She can’t hurt me anymore.

Me: Let’s talk over this whenever it’s convenient for both. Let’s just retrospect for a week.

You are so damn important to me and do have very important role in my life.

And that’s something I have never tried to replace.

I think we should communicate more and I have voiced it god knows how many times. Yet you don’t take that a priority.

I take it as disrespect and trying to hurt consciously.

Sis.. I don’t understand the things that you do.

You do what you feel is right. Even if I tell you that’s not what I want. Who does that?

If you are my friend and I say that I need you in my life. You should be there if you can.

I don’t think you understand how much important I am to you. I think you just think.. really think…

What you said is true, 5 years ago. But now just think..

How you feel about me and 5 years before

How much do I talk to him now compared

Do I know what’s happening in my life

How often do I think of him

Will I miss him if he’s not around

Why do you want to be friends with me

Does his problems make me sad and his wins make me happy

Do I feel that his well being matters to me

Do I want him to be happy

If yes, do I try to make him happy

Do I find time to talk to him or just talk when I feel like it when he needs…

Well Sis…

just wanna address few things I wanted to address but didn’t

what do you mean by you have no one..

I am not saying that cause that would be like forcing someone to be friends to you. I do believe I literally have no one that you

And we shouldn’t be saying that to each other

We used to say apo njan oke poka aano

We should be like gods in each others life. We are there for each other and cares but isn’t there to talk back or check up.

You says you are there but you have a million reasons all the time to be not there. Isn’t it the same as not there

What I mean is that issues can come up there, but since we are not bound by anything I thought we would be cool for life. We don’t want anything from each other except the friendship.

And whatever I say it’s for me, I feel it’s the right thing.. blah blah.. if you are not okay or if it hurts you, then it’s not right no matter what excuses I say

I just wanna say I am not doing this to hurt you. Just being honest to the core, just trying to teach me expect less, worry less, accept the reality also hurt less and also hurt others less.

Sis even if I am a 10 in your heart as you say, does it matter if I feel like you treat me as a 2 and the importance of you in my heart is on the decline. I wanted it to conquer heights as we age.

You have to treat the loved ones them the way they want to be treated and not how you feel like they should be treated. I think which you are doing and you feel like you are doing it right. What is think is right itself is wrong.

And what’s this thing that you will do something in future. I’ll neglect you for a year and hurt you but then we will go one a trip.. wtf

Do tell me if I have been a bad brother or friend. Don’t tell me I don’t understand you. I still don’t. I can’t even connect the dots. You say you matter but then you don’t show it.. actions speak loader than words right

People understand each other by communication right. How can we understand each other and be better friends without communication?

Well, why the hell am I texting a lot. This would be like the last text I hope. Tada!!

This is a text that a found in her phone long back and I felt so bad. I deleted it cause I wanted her to forget and I was like, I’ll never make her feel that way. But now I strongly feel that, I am in that place I really do. Like she says it’s okay not to be okay!

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